Friday, 11 July 2008

Not Always What It Seems

Hello people, sorry I've been so long. I know I have memes, uus (eh?) and tags to catch up on, and I promise I will soon. But I think I owe you this at least first.

'OK, my reminder's just kicked in. You wanted to talk, didn't you?'

'I did, yes. But I wasn't going to say anything until you did.'
Oh good grief, he remembered. I've changed my mind.

'No, until tomorrow morning, then you would have said something just as I was walking off and it would have been too late then.'

'You might have a point'
Oh my God, I am transparent.

'So, go on then. Say what you want to say.'

'Erm....OK then...ummm.....I don't know where to start...erm....'
Please. If I am ever to be struck by lightning, please let it be now. Shall I fall off this stool as a distraction? Shoot me now.

' I suppose I want to talk about us, you know. I can't really see the difference between what we're doing, and what it would be like if we were going out with each other. I mean, it's like people say, we're a bit like a, you know, thingy. Er... couple.'
Oh people, where are you all now? Look at what you have been saying, and I have been listening. And where has it got me? Into this conversation that has only 2 end results - bad or worse. Or I could die. Make that 3.

'Yeah. I see what you mean. Does it matter though? What people think? Or what we call ourselves?

'Erm. Well, yes. I think it does.'
I am hopelessly backed into a corner. There is no way out of this situation now. I give us five minutes before the shouting starts. Or the crying.


'Well. Erm...'
That's a fine question. That's the very question I would have asked if the situation was reversed. But it isn't. You sure you want the answer? You're not going to like it, you know.

'Because I feel disrespected. That you don't think enough of me to refer to me as your girlfriend.'
Disrespected is a massive word. Just MASSIVE. There's no taking that one back. Could you not have prevaricated a bit you damn fool?

'That's a harsh word, Tine. And that's the last thing you should ever feel.'

'It's right though, isn't it?'
I have been possessed by the spirit of a woman braver than myself. I wish she would sod off.

'I mean, when you're talking to your mates, what do they think?'
This is a top card to play. I cannot lose with this card.

'Dunno. I suppose they think we're seeing each other. Don't talk about it really. It's blokes.'

'What about your mom then?'
That was a rubbish card. But this one is better. I would stake my life on the fact that his mom has said something about it. And other people's lives too. Absolute certainty.

'I don't know, she hasn't said anything.'

I am doomed, I need a minute to regroup. I need to phone a friend. I need someone to have this conversation for me. Where is everyone? Hello? People?

'OK then. Tell me this. Doing what we're doing now, would you see someone else?'
I have nothing left. Nothing at all. I'm seconds away from giving up on this conversation. I don't even know why I'm having it. I LIKE being with him, and if this is all it is, then where's the harm? I have just ruined something that was fun for no good reason at all. He's going to tell me now that he's seeing someone else. And I can't deal with that. Especially if it's Juliette Binoche. Although there's no reason why it would be, but that's the way that this conversation is going.

And then he turned towards me, from his new casual position at the door, cigarette smoke melting into nothingness, and said...