Working for Peanuts

Goodness. I have split the blogger community asunder. And I'm glad.

I like the fact that you'll be honest with me. Not for me the namby pamby 'Oh, but it's lovely. You're lovely. Have you lost weight?' I'd rather you tell me what you think. And so you do. With bells on. And that way I know you're reading it too. But just to give you all a little break from the controversy, I've decided to stick with 2 less controversial topics that I've also promised to write about (Crystal, I promise I'll come back to holiday). Today, pay attention, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to discuss weight and work.

You may remember that I've promised to shed 10% of my weight within 6 months. This campaign, within our office is affectionately entitled, 'Axe The Flab'. I may well yet have to resort to an axe. Lola, you've given me excellent advice on how best to do this, and I can see that I was clearly along the wrong lines with chopping off a leg. As you very kindly point out this is 18.5%, and therefore that is too much. A head is 7%, and therefore not enough (although it would help in the long term, as I would no longer have a mouth to put food in, and I'm not sure you can put weight on by cramming cake straight into your neck stump.) Also there is the dead related problem. Although I will await for Lola's properly scientific advice, I'm pretty much convinced at the moment, that if the worst comes to the worst, I can do without 1 arm, 1 foot, and a generous shaving off each buttock.

All is not going well at the moment with the weight loss. I was off to a flying start, and lost 2.5 pounds the 1st week. I felt like I had too. I commented that I felt like a waif. I felt like a bag of crisps or 12 would set me back on the right track. But I stuck to it and lost another pound the week after. Then, my birthday week, I put a pound on (goodness, doesn't pizza & vodka weigh heavy when it's in skin?), and I think this week I've stayed the same, although I was technically wearing lighter clothes, so may in fact have put weight on again. Tricky damn business. But at least I'm going in the right direction, and at least, technically and theoretically, I know how to lose weight.

A colleague of mine who's doing the same thing put 2 pounds on the 1st week, then lost 1, then put another 2 on. She's lost the will to live now, and can't remember if she's lost or gained this week, as she now has no idea how much she weighed in the 1st place. She was listening in to a convesration I was having with a friend when I explained how I'd been really good, eating chicken, fish, vegetables, lots of fruit (this was early on & I wasn't counting lemon in my vodka as fruit). She asked if I'd changed what I normally ate. I said of course I had. She looked at me in astonishment.

'God,' she said. 'I don't think I could do that.'

She appears to be under the mistaken apprehension that by signing up for the campaign, she has effectively guaranteed that she will lose weight. And cannot understand that if in 1 week, you have fish & chips (twice), pizza & chips, a family size lemon sponge cake, and 2 Danish pastries (with vanilla custardy stuff) per day, then you will not automatically lose weight. Beats me how she lost any weight in that second week.

It is only my competitive streak that keeps me going, and soon I'm going to lose that. Well, not lose it, but just not have access to it. Bacuse you see (cue drumroll & fanfare), I have a new job. I've signed on with an agency, been for an interview, been offered the job and handed my notice in. All in the space of 2 weeks. It has taken my breath away, and I'm fairly sure that when the adrenalin wears off I will be in shock. But for now, I'm very content, and delighted with the fact that I gave a figure for the salary I was looking for, and left myself enough room to negotiate, because I was at the top end of their salary band. I'm even more delighted with the fact that they clearly realised I was a catch & no mistake, and offered me more than I asked for. I'm even more delighted than that, that this equates to a salary increase of approximately 17%. (so my mathematically minded friends tell me). And to that person who told me that the grass isn't always greener? No you're right, it isn't. But the grass is dead on this side & I'll thank you to keep your miserable face & opinion to yourself. So there.

I had a bit of trouble with writing my resignation letter. I've not written one for years. In the end, I wrote a very pleasant one, thanking them for the opportunities they'd given me.

But I'm still quite fond of my first draft.

'Dear (insert name),
I would like to tender my resignation from the company forthwith. This is because I hate my job, and (insert other name) is really mean, and I hate her too. Also, I think you have the potential to be mean, and in fact a mini-me clone of (other name). I would rather eat my own feet than continue working here.'

And I would too.

But I'm trying to lose weight.