Saturday, 8 March 2008

The Flip Side of Mothering

Or Why I Need a New Coat.

Is it just me? Or do you only realise when you're at the bus stop on the way to the childminder, that you haven't examined your offspring's face? I mean, don't get me wrong, you look at them all the time. But really examine? I mean, they know the routine, right? Make sure your face is clean before you leave the house. And clean your teeth. And at least wave something over your hair. So you don't need really to examine their faces, do you?

Of course you do.

Even for minor things, like sleepy eyes. (Although it is not unheard of for me to spot toothpaste, jam, chocolate or a combination of all 3 which dates back days). I have a real issue about those bits of sleep that get into the corner of your eyes. I prod at my own eyes with the fervour of an archaeologist and am amazed that this is one of the habits my son hasn't inherited. (Lord have mercy on him, he got my laugh. Which means that he will spend the rest of his life being recognised at a hundred yards every time someone says something even remotely amusing.)

So it's really only when I get to the bus stop that I have time to examine his eyes. And sadly he is past the age where he allows me to stick random digits in his eyes. (ah, those were the days). I am therefore left with the highly unsatisfactory resolution of pointing out that he has sleep in his eyes. When I first started doing this he would perform nicely, like a good boy. Lately, things have taken a sinister turn. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes, and then wiped his finger on my sleeve. I stared at him.

'What are you doing?'

'Wiping my finger.'

'What was on it?'

'Eyeball jelly.'

Eeeeeeewwwwwwww. I mean, just eeeeeewwwwwwww.

He has now stepped up the campaign of horror. Recently, I took the brave decision to point out the sleep in his eyes again. Then turned away to look for the bus, affecting nonchalance. The next thing I feel is his fingers.

Entwined lovingly in my hair.

I turn to stare at him.

'Have you just wiped sleep in my hair?'

He bursts out laughing at the look of disgust on my face, and chortles merrily.

'Of course I haven't, mummy.'

I breathe a sigh of relief, and turn back to look for the bus.

'I wiped it on your coat first.'


Pam said...

I just came here for the first time and I love your blog. I'll have to try and back-track and read more.

Casdok said...


aims said...

Of course - he's growing up just like you!

Violet said...

and this is why you should never get into the habit of wiping your kid's nose with your sleeve.

belle said...

eww. I hate snot. bleaugh.

Swearing Mother said...

Ah lovely, nothing like a bit of old sleep juice as the latest "must-have" coat accessory.

lady thinker said...

Just saw your comment on WITN and had to pop over to see who else is such a fan of Vettriano that they'd use it as their profile photo ... will be back to read more often..

Isadora said...

'it's not the life I've expected or wanted' WOW - could not have said it better myself - but then, this is the life we got and quick, find a knife to cut that lemon and make lemonade before the tears begin to fall. :) We should be celebrating what IS and not what we wished we had. God makes no mistakes and He must be pissed often because we do get in the way and muddle His efforts so often. :)
Get a new coat! you deserve it and he will grow and wish he was still little.

Mid-lifer said...

Good Lord! I don't even examine my own face before going out. I am well known for going out with t-shirt back to front, food in my hair (a VERY common occurrence as I'm forever running my hand through my hair)and as for sleepies...probably!! Luckily my children are far more concerned than I and will not set foot outside the door if the tiniest strand of hair is out of place. THANK GOD otherwise we'd probably be known as the 'skanks' from down the lane.

(Your'e probably horrified, but bear in mind -I might have stuff in my hair, but I promise I'd NEVER wipe it on your coat!)

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh the wee bugger! I was almost heaving as I hate that sleep much that is all gloopy and crunchy too! Feck I'm off for a barf!

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Tina, where have you buggered off to this time?? Updates required please!

Swearing Mother said...

Oi?? Where the bloody hell are you?

Tina said...

Pam, it's good to meet you. When I get into my new routine I'll return the favour.

Casdok, they slay you, really they do.

Aims, it's one of my biggest fears!

Violet, so true, and nice to meet you.

Belle, I'm sorry , I shall try to stay to cleaner subjects.

SM, it just needs a bit more of a marketing strategy, don't you think?

Lady Thinker, how nice of you to visit, a fellow Vettriano fan. Will be over to return the favour.

Isadora, lovely of you to visit, you're right we do muddle things up, but I'm hoping that a new coat doesn't count as muddling.

Mid-lifer I'm not horrified at all, it's toothpaste with me. In my hair too. Don't ask.

MOB, sorry love! You seem to be in the Belle camp.

MMOF & SM, sorry! Back now.

an ordinary Saffa girl said...

hehe this is so true! I am a childminder (my blog is a personal blog about childminding etc.) and do all the checks myself. Lovely blog you have here!