A Shadow of my Former Self

I wish.

One of the things I really wanted to do this year was lose weight. It's now four months from the time when I'll be going on holiday, and it will apparently be warm enough for me to not to have to wear a scarf. Indeed, there is the possibility that I will take my socks off. And even, maybe, be seen in some sort of swimming attire (which is nice, not just because I can't swim, but also because the fashion for knee length stripey costumes appears to have passed by). This means of course that I need to be at my best weight, looking gorgeous.

I wish.

The cause of my sad downfall on the weight loss front has been my new job. I could make up extravagant stories about the fact that I now have expense account lunches with clients, where we eat only the finest caviar, and quaff port. I could fictionalise my evenings and tell you that I work in such a high pressure environment that when I get home I have to order in a takeaway as it's already nearly midnight. I could delight you with tales of business breakfasts, executive brunches and early evening cocktails.

But none of it is true. My downfall is the staff canteen.

I get there early some mornings, early enough for me not always to either have had time for, or feel like, breakfast. But wait! All is not lost! The canteen is open for breakfast! With a selection of toasts, preserves, cereals and cooked breakfasts. I haven't always had time to make my sandwiches. But wait! The canteen is open for lunch! With a selection of hot meals, ready made and made to order sandwiches, crisps, puddings and chocolates.Sometimes in the afternoon, you've been working so hard that you need a little pick-me-up to get you through the rest of the day. It's a shame that the canteen closes after lunch, because do you know what would be really useful? I know! A lady coming round with a trolley! With reduced price sandwiches, chocolates, crisps, fruit (!), Angel Delight in pots, muffins, and my all time favourites, little pots of pick n mix sweets.

So today I decided enough was enough, unless I want to achieve fame and fortune in a Channel Five Documentary called 'F*** Me, That Woman is Fat.' I had a very healthy bowl of cereal before I left for work. I took a salad with me for lunch, and some raspberries to snack on in the afternoon. I had a beef salad when I got home tonight, and followed it up with a yoghurt.

Marvellous.

But I reckon that Creme Eggs don't last forever, so I had to finish those last two in the fridge. But eggs? That's like protein, right?

I wish.