What Was I Saying?

I used to have a really good memory. In fact, I had a great memory. It irritated the bejesus out of some of my friends because it wasn't even affected by alcohol. I would go out with my bestest drinking friend, get completely slaughtered, as would he, then as we were trying to get over our mutual hangovers the next day, I would say things like "Do you remember when you flicked candle wax into my dinner at the restaurant?" or "Do you remember what you said about THAT person?", and he was always astonished that I remembered. At least for the first few times. After that, he got wise to me, and knew that if he told me something, he could never hope that I'd forget it.

Something has gone badly awry. It's no use telling me that I'm getting older. I'm not 40 yet, so don't be throwing that one at me. In the last two months, I figure to have lost 70% of my memory. And that's only 70% of the memory I remember having, it could be more than that, if I don't remember having the correct amount. In the last two months I've lost my watch because I can't remember where I put it, and think it's got thrown out with the rubbish. I've lost my slippers about twelve times, and I have to get my son to go and look for them, because I get so frustrated that I could weep at having lost my slippers AGAIN. Just this week, I've lost a loaf of bread. I remember that I bought it, because my son and I went to the shop to get some cheese bread and they didn't have any, so we bought a crusty farmhouse loaf instead, and we had about 4 slices off it, and now I can't find the rest of it.

Just how ridiculous is it to lose a loaf of bread?

I think that I've probably cleared all sorts of wrappings and boxes and everyday rubbish off the worktop and thrown the bread in the bin. But what if I haven't? What if I find it somewhere bizarre in the next two years, and I only find it then because I've had to call in the Environmental Health and they say to me "Well Tina, I think the disgusting odour you've complained about is because you have a 2 year old loaf of bread in your electric meter cupboard."

I'm worried that I'll lose something important next time. Like my house keys, my phone, my handbag,

Or my mind.

But to be honest, even my bestest friends would say that they haven't seen it for a long time.