The Return

Evening everyone. How have you all been? Been doing anything nice? Good, glad to hear it.

Me? Lovely. Thanks for asking.

Do any of you have any idea how close I was to putting that on the site as my post for today? Really, really close.

But I do love to share.

So, here we go.

Do you know what I have loved about this weekend away?

• He came to pick me up & carried my case to the car without me even having to mime the huffing and puffing.
• We stopped at the Services on the way there for some lunch & he leaned forward & brushed a crumb off my lip.
• We checked into the hotel & he had brought extra coat hangers, & gave them to me.
• We got ready to go out, left the hotel room, him first, then he turned round, looked at me & told me I looked gorgeous.
• As we were in Bath, we watched the rugby on Saturday night, he stood behind me, talking to someone else, but with his hand resting on my hip while he talked.
• He makes me laugh until I cry.
• We tried to see lots of things yesterday but were running out of time & he chose the place I wanted to go to, rather than his choice, which was nearer.
• When I couldn't stop coughing in the night, he leaned over & asked me if I needed some water. I apologised for waking him & he said it wasn't that, he was worried about me.
• He told me that they had taken the word 'gullible' out of the dictionary & then laughed at the look on my face when I asked how could they do that? Was it not still a word?
• He wasn't cross when I beat him at crazy golf & he kissed me when I got a hole in 1. Although he spent a lot of time walking in front of me & I believe I may have heard the words "f**king staggering' on more than one occasion. His handicap is either 9 or 10; mine is that I have no co-ordination & my hair gets in my eyes.

There are lots of things I have loved about this weekend, but it is over now.

So where are we? Don't know, is the honest answer. I asked him. He doesn't know either. It's difficult for him. Complicated.

We have been so close this weekend, & I don't want that to be the end. But it still might be. I want us to move forward, but it's a big step for both of us. And there is no step back, at least not for me. The only other step for me is the step away.

I wanted him to see that I would be worth the risk, but I'm not sure that he does.

So maybe I'm not.

My head thinks it's time to move on; my heart begs to differ.

You see, he's the one.