Sunday, 28 October 2007

You Can't Keep an Old Dog Down

Or is that you can't teach it new tricks? No matter, because b*gger me, I'm back!

All has not been well at Tantrum Towers. There has been some weeping and wailing. (quite a lot actually). Some women are pretty when they cry, little pools of water creeping over the edge of their eyelashes. Not me. I cry great big rasping sobs, my eyelids go puffy, my nose goes red and I dribble.

It is not a good look for me.

(Number of times I have wanted to text him:- A bazillion)

My friends have been marvellous. There is nothing like having your friends there when you need them. They are stunned at the outcome.

And, dear god, they are not happy about it.

I have been fair. I know him better than any of them. I know things about him that no one else does. And I can see why this happened. I'm not a child; I didn't go into this with my eyes closed. There was a risk, always a risk. What has happened is not his fault. It's one of those things. I have defended him, I have tried to explain why it happened, that he isn't to blame, that he did the right thing in stopping it now before I got even more hurt.

One of them is going away on business with him today, and says she will find it hard not to throw him out of the car.

(Number of times I've wanted to call him:- A bazillion)

It's not going to be easy because we work at the same company. (Was there a gasp from the back?) Yes, an office romance, no less. We don't work together any more, but we still see each other about, so that won't be easy. Not if my nose is red, it won't. We're both fortunate though, we both have a life outside work. We are not people who live to work; I am a person who can barely tolerate the fact that I have to work. I hadn't realised how much this blog has become part of my life - it sort of creeps up on you, don't you think?

And it is people who've been kind enough to leave comments that have brought me back.

And back to stay.

(Number of times I've tried to think of what I could have done to make him love me:- Countless)


belle said...

Pretty criers belong only in films. Those of us who cry snottily do so with the same lust with which we live life.

I'm glad to see you back here ... I was worrying ... quite a lot.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you personally, but what I have learnt about you is that you are a loving and sensitive human being. You are also strong. I had an office romance once and had to work with the guy afterwards for about a further 6 months. He used to show pictures of his new girlfriend around the office. Was I jealous? A bit perhaps but looking back I realise that I was the stronger character for keeping the job and not letting his insensitivity get me down. Love is hard, painful sometimes but if it's not the real thing, you can't pretend.

Take care, Crystal xx

Tina said...

Belle - at last there is hope for snotty criers.

Crystal - those are wise words. I am strong, and I will get through it. Bruised & battered, I suspect, but nevertheless, still strong. Thank you

Swearing Mother said...

Glad you're back. Was worried about you for a bit there.

Tina said...

SM - thank you for your concern. Am a bit up & down at the moment. But here.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

New to your post - what lovely writing and so poignant. The break-up that I am writing about in my blog was also an office romance that lasted 18 years. I am glad that you have come back to write as I know I will be visiting your site to read a good story and empathise with you. Cry in private - no one cares what you look like then!

Tina said...

MOB, how lovely of you to visit, and thank you. I will return to check up on yours, and we can empathise together

Mid-lifer said...

Dear Lord!! I've missed loads, while being thoroughly self-absorbed with my stuff and ignoring all blogs.

I look revolting when I cry, I get terrible headaches from it and my eyes REALLY puff up and the effect lasts for a day or so (they end up looking like peeholes in the snow or a pair of dumplings!).

Chin up girl, I'm sure you can get through this. We're with you.

Tina said...

Mid-lifer, lovely to see you! Am wondering if bloggers should do omnibus editions so people can catch up if they can't visit for a week. A week's a long time in blogland...

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Hi there. Came by via Swearing Mother. Am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. You write beautifully. Keep your chin up - you have been through worse.

Will be back to see how you are doing

Tina said...

MMOF - thank you for your kind words. I'll try to be in better form next time you visit! Will pop round to yours to get tips of how to look like you do with 5 children...